I’ve missed these keys. I’ve missed this space with you.
There are so many words, so many stories waiting to be told, swirling around deep in me that are waiting to come out. I just haven’t had the space to let them. I don’t know if you’re like this, but when things are stirring in me, most of the time words don’t immediately come. At least not words I’m ready to share with the world. They have to sit for a while, I have to get familiar with them, after we mingle a bit, then they’re ready to be released.
Honestly, I’m still not sure I have all the words. I just know I’ve missed you. So here I am, meeting you here.
I feel like I’ve stepped into a new season.
If you’re looking from afar, everything still looks the same. My little kids are growing by the moment. And I’m soaking up every minute of their little lives. Selah asks me everyday when she gets to go back to school. She thrives in routine and structure, and as hard as I try, summer doesn’t come with much of that. She dances and sings through her days, and her and Micah are always together. Her “brudder” is her best friend, and you can’t find one without the other these days.
Micah is more of a miracle than he has ever been. He’s worked so hard in therapy this summer and the only time he spends on his feeding pump is through the night, while he sleeps. Can you believe that? It’s a miracle what God’s done in him. I knew we’d eventually get here, I just didn’t dream it would be so soon. He still has his GJ feeding tube, and he’ll have it for a little while longer. But for now, he’s eating orally throughout the entire day, and that is literally a miracle. One day, we’ll just see a big scar on his belly, it’ll be the only thing left from this journey.
I’m soaking up every second of their littleness. I look back on pictures from only a few months ago, and my heart literally aches with how fast these days are slipping away from me. I want so badly to just pause time for a little while, but even then I’m not sure it would be long enough.
Our foster son came back to us a few months ago. We’re all still getting readjusted, but he’s settled right back into his place in our family just fine. And my little kids have their brother home again. Things are hard and sweet. Heart wrenching and beautiful. Messy but full of hope. So much is happening in his case, and oh how I wish I could share all of it and his sweet face with you.
On the outside, things look much the same, even as they did last summer. But everything has changed inside of me. I’m not the same girl I used to be, not even the same girl I was a few months ago. I’ve stepped into something new with God, a deeper place in His heart, and it has been everything. Roots have exploded underneath. And things that have been so hidden for so long are starting to sprout tiny roots. It’s so incredibly exciting!
Our word for this year was harvest, remember? Although we’re certain we haven’t seen the full harvest, we’re seeing it’s buds. And after seeing a pile of dirt for so long, a little bit of green is just the encouragement we need for us to continue.
“And don’t allow yourselves to be weary or disheartened in planting good seeds, for the season of reaping the wonderful harvest you’ve planted is coming!” Galatians 6:9 TPT
