You're not that tiny newborn anymore.
You love your blankie and that paci. You are always dragging something around. Most of the time it's that blankie, but you really like that little dog that sings the ABC's right now. You think your sister is hilarious, and don't you dare tell your Daddy, but you have a HUGE crush on your mama! Although, you'd rather have me, pretty soon, he's going to rock your world. And you're going to see just how awesome he is. Really. Grow up and be just like him.
You laugh so hard when I kiss your neck, and although most days are really hard taking care of you, they are filled with so much beauty. I can't imagine our family without you in it.
From the moment I found out about you, I have worried about you. Before your sister came home to us, I didn't know what it felt like to be a mama. I had no idea how much I would love her. I didn't know how it would feel to hear her say my name for the first time. I didn't know how it would feel when I watched her get shots. I didn't know how it would feel to watch her take her first wobbly steps, or feel her little arms wrap around my neck.
I didn't know what it would mean to watch my heart walk around outside my body.
But when I found out about you, I did. I knew just how much I would love you. I knew all the things in this big world that could hurt you, or cause you pain. And I worried.
I worried because I couldn't reach down and rub my belly to feel you moving. I couldn't schedule doctor appointments to know you were okay. I couldn't eat well and drink lots of water to keep you healthy. I worried a lot about you. And over and over again, God reminded me that you were really never mine, only His.
We knew once you were born, you might have some obstacles to overcome. And we were ready for them. While you were growing in your birth mom's belly, I felt the Lord speak a word over your sweet little life; be brave.
I think He gave it mostly to me because I was scared I wouldn't be enough for you. When I worried if you would be healthy, or all the obstacles you would overcome, or when I felt that I wouldn't be what you would need, I would hear Him whisper to me, "Be brave."
Sweet boy, you are brave. Much braver than your mama. You have been through more hard things in your short little life, than most people encounter in a lifetime. There were days, when we weren't sure what the future held for you. I would ache when I thought about you growing up, because I wasn't sure if we would get you there. You spent the majority of your first year in the hospital. And you are brave.
You are a fighter. You are an overcomer. Your Daddy and I cannot be more proud to call you ours. We fought for you. We will always fight for you. You were so wanted. You are loved more than you'll ever know.
Sometimes it terrifies me, raising a black son in the world we live in. And although my love for you sees no color, the world does. My prayer for you is that you will always know your true identity. I want you to always feel as though you have a place to land, to know where you belong. Not only in our family, but mostly with the Lord.
Your Dad and I chose your life verse not based on your adoption into our family, but hopefully soon, your adoption into God's.
"But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God." Galatians 4:4-7 ESV
My heart's greatest desire is for you to place your identity in Christ. Live as His son, Micah. Walk in your sonship and inheritance from Him. Live as you truly are, relentlessly loved, anointed, set apart, cherished, and free. And I pray that as you walk in your True identity, others will see Love and join this Kingdom forever family too.
And I pray you are brave.
When others question that sonship. When they question your roots or where you belong, I pray you are brave and you hold fast to the Truth. When the enemy causes you to doubt you are loved and wanted, I pray you'll lean in close to your Daddy, the One you hear me talk about all the time. Listen to only what He says about you. His voice is the only One that matters.
And your mama's, of course. But really just His.
You are more than I could ever dream.
I love you more than you'll ever know,
All photos by the amazing, Rachel Ackerman Photography.
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