Seeing With My Eyes Closed

Seeing With My Eyes Closed

I bought these ornaments a few months ago, hoping that this was the year.

That I could wrap them up and give them to my husband and mom, and when they would unwrap them, they would be unwrapping a miracle. The one we’ve been praying now for eight years. I know healing is my inheritance because of Jesus. He paid such a high price for me to be healed. I know more than ever that truth, and that we will see that healing manifest.

I was just really wanting it to be this year.

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5 Ways to Care for the Orphan Without Fostering or Adopting This Christmas Season

5 Ways to Care for the Orphan Without Fostering or Adopting This Christmas Season

We celebrate the Christmas season with family.

We’ll sit around a table with each other and eat way too much food. I’ll make sure to get on a team with my cousin, because he always wins when we play Spades. My brother-in-law will definitely say something crazy, we’ll all end up laughing, and he always catches me mid-swallow. My grandma will give my a big hug and say, “I’m so glad you’re here.” She’ll tear up when she says the blessing because “all her children are under one roof.” My mom will most definitely give me those furry socks with aloe in my stocking, even though I never wear them (don’t tell her that). I do appreciate them! Our kids will run around our house like screaming wild things leaving Cheeto handprints up the stairwell. And it will take DAYS to clean up the playroom after everyone leaves. You’ll find us eating oyster soup with Goldfish on Christmas Eve at my sister’s house. (It sounds gross, but it’s tradition.) And our whole family will all hold hands at the end of the Christmas Eve service at church.

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A Graceful December

It was the first time I sat down all day.

I grabbed a blanket, listened to the fire crackle, and gazed into those twinkling lights. The kitchen was clean, most of the toys were put away, my children were asleep, and just for a moment my house and heart were still.

I thought, "Lord, if it was always this way, like it is in quiet moment, I could really celebrate your coming to us." And with that thought still lingering in my mind, our huge tree crashed to the floor. The twinkling lights pulled out from the wall, ornaments were shattered, and I could hear the gallon of water in the stand pouring out onto my carpet.

You could say, my December has seemed everything but graceful.

I am utterly exhausted. Not from all of the Christmas parties, shopping, and looking at lights. I am exhausted from life. My heart is so weary and my body is tired.

Life doesn't stop for Christmas.

This was going to be the year I made the cute Advent calendar. I really wanted to spend a day baking cookies with my two year old. I wanted to enjoy wrapping presents and have them look like they could be found on Pinterest. I wanted to make those cute handprint ornaments with my children. After all, babies don't keep. And I had really big plans to host a Christmas party for our friends.

The reality is, I am very proud we have our decorations up this year.

Just last week, I sat in my baby's hospital room, after his second surgery in three months. (

The surgery we didn't want him to have

). We have journeyed a long road with him. We have recently made big decisions that will affect the rest of his life. We have visited countless doctors asking for second opinions, who all say the same thing, and most of our afternoons are spent in therapy.

I watched his little chest rise and fall and listened to the rhythmic sound of his breathing while he slept peacefully. He was attached to all types of tubes. Those feeding him, giving him fluids, and monitoring him. As my heart completely ached, and I wiped tears away from tired eyes, I felt the Spirit say to me, "This is why I came."

I'm writing over at my friend, Molly's, blog today. Click


to finish reading the good news the Lord shared with me in Micah's hospital room.

 Thank you for journeying with me throughout these pages. And more than anything thank you for praying for our sweet boy! Merry Christmas, my sweet friends, I'm praying He feels extra near to you today.

All my love,