Lost in the List

It's 3:15 and I'm exhausted, but I can't sleep.

Lately, I've found myself getting lost in my list. 

I am constantly keeping a list of things I need to do. People I need to email. Things I need to grab. Projects that have to be done. I make a sticky note every day of the most important things to do. And it seems every day the list never gets finished. 

It's exhausting

. And very frustrating. 

And the enemy knows this about me. I slowly start to believe the lies he whispers, "You're not good enough. Everyone else has it together. You're missing out on something better." 

As I was laying here, reminding myself of Who God is in this midst of the craziness and expectations that will start in two short hours, I realized that He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. (Colossians 1:17)

He sees my pathetic efforts of looking to Him. And that is enough, it's all He wants from me.

Because lately I've found myself checking things off my list, instead of loving the faces in them.

It's easy to rush around to get things done, but forget why I'm doing it. 

This. All of this is for Him. And it doesn't matter how many things are finished if it isn't. 

Because He is before. He is before my list and all the things I have to do. He is before the precious family I love so much and serve. He is before the

birth mom

I treasure and son that I can't wait to meet. He is before all of the paperwork and hoops we have to jump through to bring him home. He is before the women I want so badly to love on and reach out to. He is before it all. And it's all for Him. 

And right now, at 3:30, as I am very exhausted and overwhelmed, He is holding all of my life together. Everything that I feel is out of control, He is perfectly sovereign over. 

And y'all, He sees me. Even in my complete failure in this whole list thing, He enjoys me. Delights in me, even. He thinks I'm great and He really likes me. The real overwhelming thing here, is His grace. 

So today, when I wake up in two short hours, I'm choosing to see faces on my list. I'm going to be more overwhelmed with His grace than the things I have to get done. And I'm going to rest knowing that He's holding it all together. 

I'm praying that for you today too, my sweet friend.