Another Home Study...

They say it's different with the second baby.

You know those diaper commercials where the first-time mom has the sanitary wipes and instantly attacks the fallen, dirty paci? Then, the second baby comes, and she sticks the germy paci in her mouth to "clean" it.

Although I don't have two quite yet, I do know it has been different so far. With Selah, I had tons of time in my

waiting for her

, to dream of the perfect nursery. I had everything picked out ahead of time, so as soon as we were matched with our birth mom, and knew boy or girl, we could be ready. Just last weekend, only a few weeks out, are we now prepared to bring a baby home. And this just means the car seat is ready, and his clothes and bottles are washed. His room...it's coming along...slowly.

This time, I have a one year old that takes up all of my time. And how I do love her! As I am typing this, I hear the familiar voice of Mickey echoing throughout this room. Along with that blasted hot dog song. I have given up on my clean floors. She is currently smashing carrots between her little fingers and throwing the remnants in the floor. Our dog, Bella, is overjoyed.

And we had our home study today.

As I breathe a sigh of relief that it's over, I can't help but compare.

This was our floor today as our worker

grilled

chatted with us. Messy. With toys everywhere. She wasn't aware, but she was sitting on mounds of puffs and/or cheerios that were stuffed under her couch cushion. Brandon made the bed, because he was the last one out of it this morning. And let's just say...he doesn't make the bed often. But hey, he did it! When she walked in my sewing/craft room I begged her not to write in the report about how messy the table appeared. The dog decided to take a crap upstairs right before she came, and we realized it as she opened the door to the room. Brandon gave me the "you're kidding me" look, and we quickly escorted her out of that room to another. Thankfully, as if on cue, Selah did something cute (which she does often) and it distracted her.

Let's just say, compared to the "

you can eat off my floors

" home study for Selah's adoption, this one was much different. If it wasn't for my mom, my house wouldn't have been clean at all! For that, I am super thankful. Thanks, Mom!

Although this one wasn't as technical as the home study we had last summer before

our failed adoption

, those feelings are just the same.

Intrusive. Invaded. Vulnerable.

She talked with us about all of our bank accounts, jobs, marriage, life insurance policies, our will, childcare, our childhoods, family history, our family's feeling on our adoptions, and our parenting. While I understand completely the seriousness of making sure we are fit parents, when you are on this side (the parent side) of the equation, it just isn't bunnies and roses. We had to prove, once again, that we would be good parents. We had to prove, we ARE good parents.

I grew up with a very legalistic understanding of the gospel. For years, I tried to prove my worthiness. If I controlled my thoughts, I would be pure enough. If I had my "quiet time" every day, I would be holy enough. If I was involved in EVERY single activity the church had to offer, I would be considered a servant enough. If I did all of these, along with an additional exhausting list, I would prove myself worthy of Him.

The God, the One who romances me into a covenant relationship, rescued me from my list of laws. The Beautiful One, who

dances with me in fields

, exploded out of the box I put Him in. When I locked eyes with this tender, grace upon grace, God, my whole world changed.

But...

There are still days, when I need Him to so gently remind me that I am enough.

Not because of me, but because of Jesus.

This week, this Holy Week, leaves me at the end of this second-baby home study, feeling free.

I may have needed to prove to our sweet worker that we are good parents, our home is a safe place to grow, and our family is ready for another little soul.

But I am free, this Wednesday before Resurrection Sunday, proving nothing to the Father. Jesus proved He was enough for me. And because of Him, I am now enough.

I don't HAVE to have my "quiet time" everyday. I don't HAVE to say "yes" to every serving opportunity. I don't HAVE to do anything to prove that I am enough, because Jesus already said I am.

I can't wait for the time of day when I GET to spend time with My Favorite on

the white couch

. I GET the opportunity to serve others out of the overflow of what God has done for me. I GET to rest in what Jesus has done for me at the Cross.

Sweet sister, stop striving.

Quit proving yourself.

If you are in Christ, you are enough.

Because He looks at the Father on your behalf, and says you are.

Oh, Just Nesting

Oh, how I've missed you!

I'm sorry for my absence. Things have been real crazy around here, but I haven't stopped praying for you! I never dreamed this space on the internet would become a place of community and friendship. I love it! And want it to continue to grow into something beautiful. I love meeting you here, and even more, love hearing from all of you and the stories God is writing in your sweet families. I can't tell you how honored I am that you would take time out of your busy life, to look into mine.

My husband's coworker told him, "Can you please tell your wife to write something that I won't cry when I read?" Bahahaha! The truth is, I feel so silly writing about our lives, because I don't feel as if ours is any different from yours. But, I share the deep parts of my heart with you, so I might as well share some nursery projects, right?

So the last two weeks have been super crazy!

1) Our WHOLE family got the flu. Wait for it...

the STOMACH FLU!!!!!! And it wasn't all at once, we each had it within days of one another. Right as Brandon was getting better, Selah got it. Right as she was getting better, it hit me with a vengeance. So I called my mama for reinforcements, because that's what you do when you can't get off the bathroom floor. And you have a one year old that opens EVERY cabinet in your house and enthusiastically throws all the contents of the cabinet in the floor. Needless to say, YaYa saved the day, I'm 11 pounds skinnier, and have an empty bottle of Thieves essential oils. Thankfully, the flu is gone... until next year. 

2) I went to Savannah, GA last weekend with one of my best friends to celebrate her upcoming wedding this summer. I met some really sweet girls and had a blast! It's so hard to leave my baby, but when I got down there and ate every meal without someone (ahem) harassing me for my food, I really enjoyed myself. And probably gained back the weight I worked so hard to loose. Ha.

I loved getting to know those girls. Everyone has a story, whether they are willing to share theirs or not. I love seeing the Father's way of pursuing us through each of our lives. And at just the right time, when we let our walls down with one another, we connect. And it's beautiful. I had a lovely weekend. And was reminded all the more why I cherish my friend!

3) I have been working like a mad woman on a writing project! :) YAY!!!! Every spare second (that I normally use to blog) I have been working on this project to meet the deadline. It has been my first "real" project and hopefully the start to many more. I hope to be able to share it with you pretty soon. I'm already praying for the eyes and hearts who will read those words. I love to love on women in this way! It's my favorite.

I've also been hard at work stamping necklaces! Adoption is not cheap, so this has been God's way of providing for us. I love how He does that!

4) We have about SIX more weeks until we add a new Satterfield to our family! I CANNOT believe it. I keep thinking, "This isn't real, this can't be true, it's not going to happen." At this point with Selah, only our VERY close friends and family knew about her, at least until papers were signed. Which is normally a very good idea in the adoption world. However, his little situation is very different, and we have been assured that "This is very real, it's very true, and it's really going to happen. So get ready." I can't wait to tell you the whole story. More to come on this...

So...you know how when you plan a wedding, it's much easier to focus more on preparing for the wedding than it is the marriage? Well, I feel the opposite with this little guy. With Selah, I was a new mom. I had no earthly idea what I was doing. Luckily, I babysat a TON in high school and college. But let's be real, that doesn't compare to being someone's mommy. And like I said earlier, we weren't even positive we would come home with her. I was busy trying to decide whether or not I should buy girl things just in case the adoption failed. I was preparing more for bringing her into our home than in our hearts. Just because I had never felt that feeling- the feeling of being someone's mommy.

This time, I have prayed more for God to prepare our hearts as we welcome him home, than I have been preparing our home for him. Our schedule will drastically change. Selah will no longer have every ounce of our attention. Brandon and I will have to learn again, who we are as a couple to TWO children. And we will have the enormous responsibility to love, shepherd, and teach Jesus to one more heart. It's not that I am not as excited as I was to bring home Selah. I am SOOOOO excited to have another set of squishy cheeks to kiss (and yes, he already has her same exact cheeks)!

But shepherding hearts is way heavier than deciding the perfect bedding. This time, I know.

I know the love I will feel for him. I know what every hour of the night will look like. I know that it will take some

time for him to become mine

. I know how tired I will be, but I also know the beauty of this thing called motherhood. And all those years of

longing and waiting

, make it even more beautiful.

So... because I have a one year old AND I

work full time

, I am just now getting around to preparing his nursery. We decided to move Selah to the bigger room upstairs and he would take the nursery closest to our room. In other words, I'm crazy. I am getting two rooms finished in less than six weeks.

I am NOT a DIY girl. I know this is awful. I really wish I was! But I had rather pay someone to do little projects or had rather buy them that way to begin with. Time seems to never be my friend, ever. However, I have a precious friend who is a crazy good thrifter, and she is AH.MAZ.ING,

Restless Arrow

, go on over there and follow her blog. Seriously, she's the cutest, and I wish she could just come and take over my house! In planning the nursery and redoing Selah's room, I am trying to take

The Nester's

advice and not be scared about making nail holes in the wall, and learning that "it doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful."

Hold on...quick side note. Last October, when I went to

Allume,

I had no idea who The Nester was. Amber (Restless Arrow) and I walked in late to one of her family's sessions. A real cute girl pulled up a chair for me beside her and I immediately noted how lovely she smelled. (I just notice things like this about people. Weird, I know.) So I leaned over to Amber and said, "Okay, so who is this Nester person?" And ever so quietly she said, "The girl sitting beside you." Turns out after the session was over, I told her how lovely she smelled and asked what perfume she wore. When I told this story to my husband later, he was mortified. But, I left that session wearing THE Nester's perfume. Because she shared it with me. And she is nice. And really cute. And she hugged me when she met me. And that meant so much to me because I'm a hugger too.

Anyways, all that to say, I'm trying to be crafty and stylish in my decorating these two rooms like my friend. But I'm not that kind of girl, so when I show you after pictures, just pretend, okay?

This has to be the most random post I've ever written. I'm not growing a human, but I definitely have something that resembles pregnancy brain. Or I'm just really tired. Either way, I'm just nesting over here like a maniac. Cleaning, washing clothes, buying gold deer antlers. Preparing our home for this new little soul, but more than anything, asking Daddy to prepare our hearts. Will you help me pray for that?

I've learned this about Him- no matter what circumstances I find myself in, they have something to say about Who He is. So now, in this exciting, crazy time, I'm enjoying more than ever, knowing Him. I can't wait to explore a new side of Him during this little guy's coming home to us.

And I can't wait to see what the nursery turns out like, deer antlers and all.

It's a BOY!!!!

If you have been following our story, you know over the summer, we were very close to adding another

Satterfield to our family

.

After we found out that it wasn't going to happen, we immediately started praying about Satterfield Number Two, and what avenue we would take to get him or her home.

Because of my

barren womb,

we just don't go off birth control to grow our family. It's somewhat of a process, to say the very least.

Little did we know, when we were completely heartbroken over God's "no" for one child, He was already growing His "yes" for us. And on September 13th, 2014 we found out we were going to be parents again!

God really writes the best stories. They are never what we expect, but always better than we could imagine. He has already been teaching me so much about Himself through this sweet baby's story. Pray for us as we do mounds of paperwork, a homestudy, and prepare to be parents to TWO miracle babies. We can't wait to meet him! And YES, it's a BOY!!!!!

*Thank you to Rachel Ackerman Photography for the photos*