Dear Selah Grace,

You have ended your many adventures for this day. After a few "no's" and maybe some bribing to read the "bear book" from me, you're sleeping sweetly.

You're 21 months old and you talk ALL. THE. TIME! You still have the squishiest cheeks, and your leg rolls melt my heart. You are learning to serve, but 100% like to do things yourself. You throw things in the trash can, even if they don't belong there, like my phone. We've also started talking about the potty. And you like to throw things in there too.

You unload the dishwasher and put the Tupperware away in the cabinet. But twenty minutes later, I can find you also pulling Tupperware out of the cabinet. I finally gave up organizing it, because if I do, you somehow reorganize right after me.

You've recently found a love for stickers, and I have found, "ofphia (Sofia the First)" stickers everywhere. Like under the counter, in between the couch cushions, and on your sippy cups.

You love to dance. Daddy laughs at you and prays you don't get my dancing skills. I, of course, think they're fabulous! We dance in the kitchen a lot together, you and me. You are OBSESSED with outside. We have to spell that word around you so you don't run for the door.

You are learning all about the world. You amaze me how you figure things out so quickly. Yesterday, you fell and got your first boo-boo. You didn't even cry! You just looked at your very skinned knee and said, "whoa!" Everyday I hear you say a new word, and your personality is so big. It brightens any room and you fill the others around you with such joy!

And although you can lay out in the middle of World Market and have a tantrum with the best of them, you are my girl, my baby, and the answer to a thousand prayers.

You'll never know how badly you were wanted. I dreamed of you. I begged Daddy for you. I wished so deeply for you. There isn't a night of rocking you to sleep, that I don't think about rocking in that same chair waiting for you. You are better than anything I could have imagined. And because of you, my sweet girl, I know Him more.

What I really want you to know, is how your heart is growing. You say no and sit in time out. You throw your food off your high chair and it drives me crazy! And when I give you a bath, every.single.night. you pour water all over me, and laugh. But even in your almost two year old tantrums, your heart is learning to love. You care deeply and are sensitive to others around you even now. And I have never been more proud. 

We pray every night after we read ten thousand "gooks." Sometimes when I'm extra tired from loving you and your brother all day, I forget. And you look up at me with your beautiful brown eyes, your paci in your mouth and say, "Shejus mommy." And we pray to Jesus.

Being your mommy is the best thing I've ever done. But, Selah, He is my favorite. He is the beautiful One. He is safe and kind and so many things our words will never be able to explain. He's breathtaking sometimes, and in the same breath, impossible to understand. He is the very best part of life. There is no life apart from Him. 

And more than anything in me, I want you to know Him. The responsibility of shepherding your heart, some days, it overwhelms me. And as much as I hate it, I am going to mess up being your mommy. Just as you are doing so many firsts, they are also firsts for me too. Your daddy and I are trying to figure out how to do this parenting thing. Some things we will do really great, and some things we will do horribly wrong, but we will never stop telling you about Him. And we just really want you to know Him. 

Like really know Him. I want you to smell Him. I know it sounds weird, but sometimes I think He smells like cinnamon, like home. But I want you to decide that for yourself. I want you to hear Him. That soft whisper in the depths of your heart, and then sometimes it's a big shout right in front of your face. I want you to listen when He tells you things. When He shares parts of Himself with you, or when He lets you into the lives of others. I want you to see Him. I want you to see what He's doing in your life, and even when you can't, I want you to see through eyes of faith, and know He is working.

I want you to be captured by Him, overwhelmed, and lost in Who He is. I want you to stay close to Him. Your whole life long. 

I may fail at everything else, like completely flop. But sweet girl, I will not stop teaching you about Him. He is life. And there is no life without Him in it.

And although you are lost in sweet dreams, He is there, even now singing over you. He knows every curly hair on your sweet head, He knows every detail of your precious life, and He's counted all of your days. He's there, Selah, waiting for you to know Him. Waiting for Him to become your Papa, like He is mine. He is always there.

I love you forever,

Mommy

Happy Gotcha Day!

I cannot believe it has already been one year since our baby has shared our last name. She was so tiny. And squishy!

She is so wanted. We waited what felt like an eternity to be her parents.

Every time I bend down to buckle her car seat, put in her bow for the hundredth time, or sing the Wheels on the Bus, I remember all those negative tests. All those nights of rubbing a barren belly wishing for someone to call me mommy. 

She is so worth the wait. We are humbled out of all the little girls in the world, and all the parents in the world, He made us family. Forever. 

We celebrate you, sweet girl. And the beautiful soul who chose life for you, and even more, the the beautiful God who is writing your beautiful story! We are so honored to watch!

You better believe she will hear

this story

today!

Her first year as our daughter has been nothing short of beautiful! We love her more than words can say.

Happy First Birthday, Selah Grace!

This precious, miracle baby is ONE today!

It feels like we blinked and she has grown into this happy, silly, smart, beautiful girl. She brings so much joy to our lives, and has taught us more about the Father's grace, faithfulness, and love than she will

ever

know. She made me a

mommy

. And not only are we celebrating her today, but deep in my heart, I am celebrating a year of being, mommy. One absolutely beautiful year.

All I can do today is cry. Because God is so faithful. He is so good. He was good during the

darkest days of our journey

to find her, and He has been good in the sweetest days. So ultimately, we're celebrating Him. His goodness, His faithfulness to us, and His great love for this precious girl.

"For your steadfast love is great to the heavens, your

faithfulness

to the clouds."

Psalm 57:10 ESV