In my last post, I shared about our
When Brandon and I were walking through the
, I read everything I could find about birth moms. I wanted to know what it was like through their eyes. Whether you are interested in adoption, in the middle of paperwork,
, or possibly considering adoption for your child, this post is for you! Here are Lakeisha’s (our birth mom) thoughts on open adoption…
Why did you choose adoption?
I chose adoption because I wanted better for my child than I knew I could provide. I could have kept Selah, but it would have made life so difficult for the two boys I already have. At first abortion was an option for me. However, I went to Piedmont Womens’ Center for an ultrasound to see exactly how far along I was in the pregnancy. There was a brochure available for an adoption agency. I called and spoke with a wonderful caseworker. After further conversations, she helped me confirm that adoption was right for me.
What fears did you have about adoption?
I was nervous that our (Jessica, Brandon and my) baby would resent me, and still am at times. I didn’t know my biological father until I was 14. Don’t get me wrong, I have a daddy that has always been there for me. However, I found out from a stranger that he wasn’t my biological father. It crushed me. It made me question who I was and everything else about myself. When I met my biological father, I didn’t see him as my daddy. Not because he wasn’t there for me, but because I was neglected by him with selfish motives. I don’t want Selah to resent me for placing her with Brandon and Jessica. I want her to love me more because of it.
What qualities were you looking for in picking a family?
At first I didn’t have anything specific I was looking for in a family. I had no idea who or what type of people I was looking for. I am a go with the flow, and if it is right, it will happen, type of person. I knew I wanted my adoption to be open, but I didn’t want to be the only one to make the terms. I was open to everything except a closed adoption.
What helped you heal after placement?
I know this is going to sound crazy but there is and never was a “healing” process for me. I have nothing to heal from. I’m not sure how to put this into words, but I am going to try my best. I don’t feel like I lost anything. I gained more than I could have EVER imagined from this. I never lost a daughter, I gained a family. She is mine but wasn’t made for me. I have honestly only REALLY cried (like boo-hooed) once. It was the night when the three Satterfield’s left the hospital. The only reason I cried then is because of the nurse. She kept hugging me and repeating, “She’s not going to hate you, she will love you more.” I wanted to tell the woman to get out of my room, but I held it together and then when she left out I burst into tears thinking, “but what if she does hate me?” I got in the shower, cried a little more, and after that, no more tears. I have cried because of some of the hurtful things friends and family have said to me. Not because I gave her up for adoption (I hate that phrase by the way, I didn’t give up anything either), but because some people do not understand my decision.
How do you feel about open adoption?
Open adoption is an excellent option for anyone. In my opinion, the only reason I could understand a birth mom wanting a closed adoption, is if she was raped and it would be more traumatizing for her and the baby if they knew each other. Other than that, I can’t really understand it. Even if you don’t want an extremely open relationship like I have with my “baby mama” and “baby daddy,” 🙂 then you can still have updates. Every situation is different, but I think mine is PERFECT.
What would make a birth mom scared to have an open adoption?
The only fear I could think of is if the birth mom and adoptive family didn’t want the same thing in the adoption. Or if they are awkward around each other or do not feel comfortable. It could possibly hurt the birth mom to see the child she gave birth to respond more to the adoptive parents or leave with them. But again, I don’t have those problems. Communication is key in these situations. Never be scared to say how you feel, just because you don’t want to offend the other person. More than likely, the other would be thinking the same or at least something in the same boat. I don’t keep anything from my adoptive family. They know the good, the bad, and the ugly. There is no need in
keeping anything from them.
What are your wishes for your child?
I want Selah to have everything I had and more as a child and an adult. I had a great childhood. Things didn’t change for me until I found out about my father. I began to act out. I don’t want her to go through the same experiences that I lived, so I want to be an open book for her. All I ask is for her to have a stable, Christian foundation. If you choose the best parents for your child like I did, then you don’t have to worry about their childhood or their life in general, for that matter. You know that it will be the best and even better than you could ever ask for.
What does adoption mean to you?
Adoption is awesome. It is the very best gift you can give someone. In my eyes, nothing is greater. Abortion is selfish and a cop out. Every child has a purpose, and whether that purpose is to be “your” child or not, only God can determine. It is such a blessing to see a family as special as the Satterfield’s, who can’t conceive a child themselves, watch their child be born. I can’t describe into words the feeling that gave me.