“A child born to another woman calls me mommy. The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me.” -Jody Landers.
How do you thank a woman who made you a
Honestly, this will probably be one of the hardest post I have ever written, simply because words do not adequately describe the way my heart feels.
I contemplated sharing this part of our story, because it is so intimate and special. However, this is an area of adoption that not many people talk about. Probably because of the same reason I was hesitant in sharing. But it should be talked about. It should be known that adoption is beautiful for every one involved. There should be “good” stories told and they should be discussed even more so than the scary ones everyone always hears.
Before we get started, I want you to know, just like the children living in our homes, every adoption is unique and different. There are parts of our story, that work for us, that may not work for others. And that is okay.
However, we want to shine light on the beauty of this sweet relationship that we share. The woman you are about to meet is one of the dearest people in my life. Not only did we welcome Selah into our family, but we also welcomed her. She will always be a hero in our home, and Selah will always know of the great love she has for her.
Meet our birth mom, Lakeisha.
She is beautiful, isn’t she?
*She has helped me write this post and has given me permission to share this part of our story.*
There was a time after we decided we were done with
, and before we pursued adoption, that God completely changed my heart. Before, like many
, the thought of an open adoption made me cringe. I waited too long and traveled a very hard journey to have a child, I did not want to share my child with another mother. And what if she decided she wanted to take the child back? Or the real kicker, what if the child wanted her back? I wasn’t educated enough concerning adoption or adoption laws, and had never heard of an open adoption story. An open adoption terrified me.
Ever so gently, God moved my heart from wanting a child to stop the ache in my heart, to realizing this was my role in His Kingdom story. Once He awakened my heart to what He was doing in our life and the lives around us, I realized that an open adoption was a chance to love and serve our child’s first mother. This was not just about Brandon and I getting a child, this was about His Kingdom. Getting pregnant and having children the typical way, hasn’t been His story for us. It is for many others and it’s beautiful, but this is our story, inside His big one. So why wouldn’t we want to be a part of what He was doing? And why wouldn’t we want that for our child?
We were considered her legal guardians for 90 days until her adoption finalized in court. On that day,
, we legally became Selah’s parents. She received a new birth certificate, and at that time, most children would then take their parent’s last name. However, Lakeisha named her, Satterfield, in the hospital. She told us she was always meant to be a Satterfield. Selah’s new birth certificate shows Brandon and I as her parents, and if you didn’t know differently, it reads as if I gave birth to her.
So how does our open adoption work? Well for starters, our relationship is built on respect. We respect Lakeisha as Selah’s first mother. And Lakeisha respects us as Selah’s parents. After very purposeful conversations before Selah was born and then again in the hospital, we promised to always be completely honest. If it was too painful for Lakeisha to see Selah she would tell us, and if Lakeisha ever made us feel uncomfortable as Selah’s parents, we would tell her. And it has worked!
Come back next Monday, to hear Lakeisha’s thoughts on open adoption!