This book, every word, has come from years and years of longing.

But more than that, it feels as if my head is trying to wrap around this ten-year journey of infertility my heart has traveled.

How do you sum up in a few words the depth of despair, sorrow, and grief this decade of barrenness has brought to me? Is it even possible to remotely communicate the beauty Papa God has forged among the ashes in my heart throughout this journey? I can only try to articulate His goodness to me and give my best attempt to describe the stories the calluses have held found on my knees.

If I could take you back to the beginning, you’d find a girl who had experienced so much trauma and heartbreak already, the thought of having trouble growing a family wasn’t even on her radar, because “she had already been through hard.” I guess that girl escaped her pain that she’d buried for so long with an idea of a handsome husband, four-point five blonde, curly-headed girls, and a white picket fence. Until after a year of “trying” that white picket fence started crumbling to the ground.

I found myself sitting in the infertility clinic a year and a half into us trying to grow our family hearing words like, “severe endometriosis, male factor infertility, and next to impossible.” We blew through our savings, trying every natural doctor you can imagine, and went through numerous rounds of medicated cycles, and three rounds of medicated IUIs. I had my first surgery to clean out the endometriosis the third year of us trying to get pregnant. And my heart and body were just so tired. We quit everything. I crashed my picket fence idol at the feet of Jesus and surrendered our family to Him.

And I’m thankful.

Those ten years forged in my heart priceless amounts of gold I couldn’t get any other way. There is no cheap oil in the Kingdom, it comes with great cost. Knowing Him became my heart’s truest longing, my soul’s deepest desire. No pregnancy or baby could ever compare to the joy I had found in knowing Him. But I continued to come to Him with expectation for Him to fulfill His promise to me. And ultimately heal my very broken body like He had begun healing my heart.

This testimony of what God did in my body and more deeply in my heart is for you today, too. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been waiting, what your diagnosis is, how impossible the circumstances, or even your age. Nothing is impossible with Papa God. He longs to heal us, in our bodies but mostly our hearts.

Sometimes we don’t see healing this side of heaven, and I don’t understand why. But it doesn’t change the truth of what’s found in His Word. It doesn’t change the character and nature of His heart. In Revelation, the Bible says that the testimony of Jesus releases the spirit of prophesy, and that we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the power of our testimony! This means there is significant power locked within the years these words hold. This story just isn’t for me, it’s for you too! Because Papa God is no respecter of persons, He doesn’t love one more than the other. What He has done in my heart and my body, He can do for you!

We are never without hope if you are in Jesus, friend. Hope, Himself, lives inside us. And Hope never, ever disappoints.

Dive into the healing that’s available to you and let’s journey deeper into the heart of the Father together.