Adoption

When You Stand Outside a Grave

When You Stand Outside a Grave

I kept thinking if I waited a little longer, I might have more words. But I’ve learned over the years, that most of the time, words don’t come (at least the right ones) until my fingers hit these keys. One of our pastors said on Sunday, “Vulnerability always comes...

When You Say Yes to an Older Child

When You Say Yes to an Older Child

“What is it like adopting an older child? Should we break birth order? Do you have any words of wisdom for bringing an older child into our home? How will it affect our children?” These are the most asked questions that land in my inbox. And buddy, are they loaded. I...

A Baby and Ivy

A Baby and Ivy

Back in January, I felt God begin to whisper to me about a baby coming. Even though we’re still believing for healing in my womb, this was a surprise to me, because I felt this baby would be through adoption. And at that point, we knew we would be adopting our foster...

The One He Loves

The One He Loves

Growing up, my elementary best friend was our pastor’s daughter of a very large church. Everyone knew who she was and treated her special because of it. My best friend all throughout middle and high school had the best dad ever. He was a very prestigious and well...

When the Load Feels Heavy

When the Load Feels Heavy

I’ve been his mama and he has been my son now for almost two years, minus the two months he went back.

When I think back to that first summer he came, all I can remember is the rash that covered my body for six months. I used every cream and ointment you could imagine. I quit gluten and dairy. It didn’t matter what I did, the rash stayed. It was my body’s way of telling me it was too much.

I remember laying on my face every morning in my office, asking Holy Spirit for just enough grace to make it through that day. In those first days, it was minute by minute. I didn’t know how to be a mama to a then seven year old. And he surely didn’t know what it was like to live as a true son. He wasn’t used to boundaries and bedtimes, structure and routine. Love felt uncomfortable, like dipping cold toes in to warm water, it burned.

Although we have quite the journey ahead of us, sorting through so much trauma, and growing together in love, we’ve found our place together. I am his and he is mine. He’s settled in nicely to his place in our family. And we’re hoping one day it will be forever.

A Beautiful Unraveling

A Beautiful Unraveling

I’ve been quiet around here lately.

It’s not because I don’t have any words, I do. A lot of them really. It’s just that they haven’t found their way out of my heart yet.

Also, it’s been a really hard few weeks.

I still haven’t learned exactly how to share the hard without sharing my children’s stories. In the very beginning of our journey, I shared a lot. Probably too much. As I grew as their mama and learned more and more about adoption along the way, I realized their story wasn’t mine to share.