Faith

A Beautiful Unraveling

A Beautiful Unraveling

I’ve been quiet around here lately.

It’s not because I don’t have any words, I do. A lot of them really. It’s just that they haven’t found their way out of my heart yet.

Also, it’s been a really hard few weeks.

I still haven’t learned exactly how to share the hard without sharing my children’s stories. In the very beginning of our journey, I shared a lot. Probably too much. As I grew as their mama and learned more and more about adoption along the way, I realized their story wasn’t mine to share.

When You Need to Feel Safe

When You Need to Feel Safe

When I was younger, every single Sunday after church my grandma made a massive Sunday meal. In the summertime it was fresh salads, yummy vegetables, and cobblers. During the winter it was soups, roasts, swedish meatballs and butter rolls. People would become my friend, just so I would invite them over to grandma’s after church. When I left for college, I’d call her and bring a car full of my friends home on the weekend. I came home to her house during college more than I went to mine. I felt safe at grandma’s house. She was the one that was always steadfast in my childhood. She was always there for me.

In the summer I would take runs to my grandma’s house a few streets away. I cheered competitively in high school and college. I’ve discovered I’m an Enneagram 3 which means I do nothing half way. So I ran a lot in the summers. I remember the path I ran so vividly. I took a left at the stop sign and ran between two houses a little down the road on the right the next street over. I’m not even sure we knew them, but they didn’t mind. I ran through the woods and passed a pasture. We lived in the country, so I’d have to run through a little creek before I’d make my way up the next hill. I’d come out at the bottom of her culdesac and I’d get to my grandma’s house soaking wet with sweat. And every time she’d have a tall glass of ice water sitting on her island for me.

The New Year’s Goal You Can’t Mess Up

The New Year’s Goal You Can’t Mess Up

Go ahead. Tell me all the reasons I should make them. I know, I know. But just hear me out.

Here’s the deal. I used to be a perfectionist until God set me free. I used to find pieces of my identity in what I could accomplish, what I could create, what I could produce. I would strive and work and strive and work. I would make unattainable goals and when I would happen not to accomplish them, feel like a total failure.

I was either finding my identity in the working towards the goals or the failure of not attaining them. Always feeling unsatisfied, and honestly really, really tired.

And then I started having revelation on my true identity, who God says I already am.

Looking Back

Looking Back

2018 was so beautiful.

We started 2018 with a deep sadness. So much disappointment was felt in 2017 and our foster son that had been with us for six months left very abruptly. But we welcomed 2018 with full hearts, expectant of all God had for us. We heard Him say this year would be a year of harvest. And we definitely saw that. It was beautiful. We saw the first fruits of all the good seed we have been sowing for so many years. It was a year I’ll deeply cherish.

The Garden

The Garden

The Garden is serving someone you know.

It’s the girl sitting on the same row with you each Sunday. She’s the girl in the next cubicle over. The cousin you love but only see a few times a year. The teacher who pours out her life into your child. The lady sitting on your board. The woman on the other end of the conference call. The girl on your worship team.

It’s her.

Seeing With My Eyes Closed

Seeing With My Eyes Closed

I bought these ornaments a few months ago, hoping that this was the year.

That I could wrap them up and give them to my husband and mom, and when they would unwrap them, they would be unwrapping a miracle. The one we’ve been praying now for eight years. I know healing is my inheritance because of Jesus. He paid such a high price for me to be healed. I know more than ever that truth, and that we will see that healing manifest.

I was just really wanting it to be this year.