She turned five today. Five.
Five whole years loving a miracle. Five whole years of so much joy. Five whole years of being a mama.
Five feels hard. I say this every year, but for real. She might as well be driving. Hold me, Jesus. She’ll go to KINDERGARTEN next year. I can’t take it.
The Garden is serving someone you know.
It’s the girl sitting on the same row with you each Sunday. She’s the girl in the next cubicle over. The cousin you love but only see a few times a year. The teacher who pours out her life into your child. The lady sitting on your board. The woman on the other end of the conference call. The girl on your worship team.
It’s her.
I bought these ornaments a few months ago, hoping that this was the year.
That I could wrap them up and give them to my husband and mom, and when they would unwrap them, they would be unwrapping a miracle. The one we’ve been praying now for eight years. I know healing is my inheritance because of Jesus. He paid such a high price for me to be healed. I know more than ever that truth, and that we will see that healing manifest.
I was just really wanting it to be this year.
It’s been quiet around here lately.
I’m so sorry about that.
Do you ever feel like you can’t balance your life? Or is it just me? Surely it’s not just me. It’s like I’m an awesome mom and tanking the ministry thing, or I’m writing and not speaking, or visa versa. Either my legs are shaved or my hair clean. And don’t get me started about house. If the dishes are done, the laundry probably isn’t. Know what I mean?
I’ve chosen in this season to use the word “full” instead of “busy.” I feel like being busy is just running around without intention and lacking purpose. Full describes our season much better. Everything that our family is doing is intentional and filled with purpose. It just means we have to give our very best yes. And a lot of “no’s” along the way too.
Every morning when I wake up, I ask the Father, “What do you want me to put my hands to today?” Sometimes I work on The Garden all day. Somedays I only work on stamping jewelry. Somedays I just need to play in the floor with my kids or go on a date with my life crush. It’s been something I’m definitely growing in, yet learning what it looks like to live in this full season of life out of a posture of rest.
When April McKinney first emailed asking me to be on her show, I was in Dallas, TX with two of my dear friends Caroline and Lauren. I skimmed through the email and read names like Lisa Bevere, Mo Isom, Kim Walker Smith, Katie Davis Majors, and Missy Robertson, I was certain she emailed the wrong girl.
I keep giving Him my weak “yes,” and He keeps blowing my mind. He brought me into a season of learning what it means to rest, to strive to enter into rest, at the beginning of the year. And I keep seeing Him produce the most amazing fruit in a season of my life where I have stay tucked away in the secret place with Him. The most beautiful “work” that has been produced in this season has felt nothing like work, it’s felt like love. Just growing in love with Him. If you want your business to explode, or your ministry to grow, or your family to flourish, fall in love with Him in the secret place. Make resting in His presence everyday a priority.
I sat in the waiting room staring at my shoe and listening to a conversation discussing the best car seat covers. Although I had just as much right to jump in and add my two cents, I didn’t. Something about that office can still make me feel like I’m less than if I let it, even though to my core I believe the truth, that I am not.