by Jessica Satterfield | Apr 27, 2019 | Faith, Infertility, Popular, Uncategorized
I was seven days late.
It’s only happened twice in my life. The other time was three years ago. The week before our foster son came home.
I woke up every morning, believing the “in due time” had finally come. That after all of these years, it was our turn. I was certainly going to see my belly start swelling in the next few weeks. I had calculated the due date and thought through every way I would tell my husband, family, and dear friends. I had imagined the look on their faces, like the ones standing around Lazarus’s grave.
Even after all the hoping and all the disappointment, I knew this new season our family has stepped in, has looked so different from the old ones. He’s doing a new thing in us, something He’s never done before. And hope never puts us to shame (Romans 5:5), so I wasn’t afraid to hope. Because my hope isn’t in a miracle, it’s a person, my Jesus.
This was the third test I took that week. All the other ones said the same results. But I wasn’t going to believe it wasn’t true, until I knew. And I knew on day eight.
Right before we looked at the test, Brandon said to me, “You know this doesn’t change a word out of God’s mouth about this.” And I knew that. Still do.
by Jessica Satterfield | Dec 13, 2018 | Faith, Infertility, Motherhood
The Garden is serving someone you know.
It’s the girl sitting on the same row with you each Sunday. She’s the girl in the next cubicle over. The cousin you love but only see a few times a year. The teacher who pours out her life into your child. The lady sitting on your board. The woman on the other end of the conference call. The girl on your worship team.
It’s her.
by Jessica Satterfield | May 29, 2018 | Infertility
I sat in the waiting room staring at my shoe and listening to a conversation discussing the best car seat covers. Although I had just as much right to jump in and add my two cents, I didn’t. Something about that office can still make me feel like I’m less than if I let it, even though to my core I believe the truth, that I am not.
by Jessica Satterfield | Feb 13, 2018 | Adoption, Infertility, Speaking
Infertility is not who I am.
It’s not even what my story is about.
It’s just a chapter in my story, a season. And one day, before we know it, the page will turn and this chapter of infertility will come to an end. This season of infertility will be over and this promise that we have prayed for so long will be right before our eyes.
Even then, I never want to forget what I’ve learned here. How I’ve needed Him. How He has become THE gift. How He has become THE promise. How I’ve found places of His heart I would have never found if it wasn’t for infertility.
by Jessica Satterfield | Jun 5, 2017 | Infertility
We binge watch Netflix after our kids go to bed like every other good parent does. Our favorite fictional character, Harold (from Persons of Interest), put so perfectly into words the state of my heart at the end of every month,
“Hope is painful.”
It’s been almost a year now, since I’ve felt the nudging from Jesus to stretch out my withered hand (or barren womb) and let Him heal me. Stretching out my withered hand means admitting that I really want healing. That I’m not okay with spending the rest of my life with a body that doesn’t work the way God intended. Stretching out my withered hand means that I am vulnerable at the end of every month and most of the days between.
Again.
Recent Comments